Strategies to increase failure tolerance in children
Failure tolerance includes a set of factors that, if put together, can create failure tolerance. One of the most important factors that must exist is to give children the opportunity to experiment so that the child can face failure in a safe family environment.
Opportunities that occur in the developmental environment and cause children to experience failures that are useful for increasing their failure tolerance in the future. For example, weaning and diapering and weaning children’s sleep if it happens in time because the child is more tolerant because his age requires development, and in developmental psychology have concluded that these cases do not harm the child if done correctly But if the mother postpones the experience of these things for some reason, she takes the opportunity from the child to experience these failures.
Some parents do not give the child the opportunity to experience shoes and clothes independently and intervene in a hurry, the first message the child receives is that you can not and the second message causes the child to become passive.
In addition, the title of resilience is very important. Resilience means the ability to reach initial balance after an event or trauma.
When we take a bottle from a child, while this is a disadvantage for him, after adaptation and passing through these cases, resilience is formed in him.
Problem-solving skills
After experiencing loss and resilience, problem-solving skills are introduced. In this case, some parents solve problems on their own, and when the children enter the social environment, after leaving the kindergarten period, when the problems start little by little, because the competitions are not serious yet, they enter the school and the problems peak. But still, parents hide or compensate for things by encouraging and praising the best of you, while in a social environment like school, this does not happen.
Parental resilience and type of expression in life
Some words have a burden. When something goes wrong and mom says oh why did it happen, oh it got dirty, it got ruined again. When these words are repeated, environmental learning happens. The mother may solve the problem, but the learning of intolerance has happened. Children hear words and children do not learn from trying. Generally, the families who complain about the intolerance of the child’s failure are the families that the child sees the effort.
When empathizing with a child, it is not enough to just understand the child’s feelings and say I know you are upset. We must continue to say what we can do now so that the child does not feel defeated. Let’s say we may try once and get results and try again and our efforts will be in vain.
For children over 8 years old, we expect the right steps to be taken, and for younger children, it is enough to say, let’s think together what the solutions are. In the beginning, it is necessary for parents to give different ideas and make sure that it is not an adult that the child compares with his own ideas in his mind and loses the confidence to speak and suppress his opinions and know that make the mother or father his own support and do not try to solve his problem.
Sometimes children learn problem-solving skills at school, but in the family, because of the perfectionism of parents who do not even accept 19.75 from their child, they can not use this skill.
Parents who are aggressive and lose their temper when doing homework, getting dressed, eating, playing, or are in a hurry and are not patient, lose patience in the child.
Expecting too much and making comparisons to encourage the child to do better, such as, see how well your cousin eats, reduces the child’s tolerance for failure because we do not accept differences and we do not teach children either.
If we accept the differences and do not expect too much, the child will not expect too much from himself. If something fails, we will guide him to improve himself with perseverance. Many children lose their self-esteem and behavioral problems because of these comparisons and become angry with the person they have been compared to.
Games to increase failure tolerance in the child
Sometimes the child does not tolerate failure, even when playing alone, in this situation, out of the quality time that parents have to spend with the child, we play a game on three levels. This game should not be power or thought.
In the first level, we choose a game like running from wall to wall and compete with each other and let the child win. It is very important that these sentences are repeated like the next time I want to try and win. Usually the child resists and says you should not go. In the second stage, the mother wins and then she can say, “We will race again and try.” It is necessary at this stage that the winning mother distances herself from the next stage with an excuse to postpone the race to another time, and when they give the race, the child wins by one step behind for the parents. These steps also cultivate a spirit of effort.
Another important point is that children eventually have to play with two years older or two years younger than themselves. When parents create an environment where the child is constantly playing with adults and they always try to be careful that the child does not lose and is not upset, in such a situation the child thinks that even in front of adults he always wins but in kindergarten This does not happen and the child’s imagination is disturbed and he refuses to go to kindergarten. In this situation, if the family makes a decision that is pleasing to the child and does not send him to kindergarten, these problems will be exacerbated.
Or when a two-year-old plays with a six-year-old who is more than two years younger than him, it is natural that a six-year-old does not make himself at the level of a two-year-old, and a two-year-old tries to make himself bigger and his self-esteem is damaged.